Go, Go, Go

Thursday was quite the day. I am not Elastic Girl; my arms were stretched in different directions, and I kept repeating, "you can do this." But I have no super powers. There is no magic wand. I just do the best I can and sometimes that isn't even right. I am not going to go into details. It's just me trying to repair the broken. And I can't tell you how many times I have heard time heals. There is no time frame with grief everyone has their days. I have reached the stage where I must do something. Go, Go, Go. But there is also a voice yelling at me to slow down. And two other children tugging at my sleeve saying, mom I need you. Thoughts and words are scrambled. We are doing our best. And the smile you see on the outside is genuine. I am ready for the weekend. And I know it's not Mother's Day weekend but I am going to find time to sit and relax.

After coming upstairs, Ally still rubbing her eyes says, " Mom I had a dream you were a super hero. Me, dad and you. " I don't need to be a super hero when I have such SUPER kids. Have a super weekend everyone.

A new me has emerged

We will be selling these Tiger magnets at the garage sale and fundraiser May 5-7 at our house.
Thanks for all the support. Lots of good vibes today as I replay the song by Chris Tomlin, I will Rise. "There is a peace I come to know.." And Mason I vision you soaring high on eagle's wings with the biggest smile. Your sister sure loves to tell stories of you visiting her and your adventures together. May she always carry your voice with her.

To think about..

Why are we in this world? Ally asks. And then when I have not answered she replies, "Why did God put us on this planet? Then of course she decides she wants to give Jupiter a try. Still I sit in silence, so she wants me to pick a planet. I blurt out "Mars" (I still trying to figure out the first question) Ally giggles and says no, that is the hottest planet mom. I am still engrossed in the first question and trying to figure out where she heard the question. So finally I ask, did your teacher ask you that? No, mom Mason asked me. And then he told me, "Everyone is special to God"
Where was I during this conversation? Why didn't Mason ask me that question? Did he try and I just didn't slow down? Maybe I just didn't have the response he was looking for.

I immediately flashed back to another time when Mason was Ally's age, after reading about God's creation, Mason's looks at me and says, "Who created God?"

Today my mind keeps repeating, Why are we in this world? Can you hear the echo too? Maybe some of you already have your answer. Shall I wait in a cocoon while I reflect for an answer? I know Mason was right when he answered "Everyone is special to God" That is my answer. And so I go forth because, "Everyone is special to God". Peace can be felt in my heart today. And Mason your wisdom lives on...

Happy Easter Mason

Happy Easter everyone. We celebrated Ally's 4th birthday; only she insists she is 10. 10 balloons, 10 candles and even holding up 10 fingers. To me, it is her way to include her brother in her celebration as she blew out her candles, I don't have to ask her wish. It was a great day for a party. However, my emotions are stuck on the spin cycle. It doesn't matter how many times I rearrange my thoughts-everything is off balance. This Easter is not the same as Ally and Maverick raced to their Easter baskets. Less laughter and smiles, and a huge sigh to our hearts. We all feel it. WE all miss the brother/son who brought laughter, smiles and provided balance to our day.

He is risen indeed. He is risen indeed. He is risen indeed. God you bring me strength on this unbalanced day. I pray for love on this day as we celebrate.

Thank you Manatee Bay Elementary for your beautiful drawings and cards to our family. Happy Easter to all our friends, family and neighbors.

upside down

"It's like the world is upside down" Maverick once again describes his day. As numbness consumes my body and soul. Overwhelmed by sadness, but yet we move forward. Not really knowing if we are headed in the right direction, but we do our best unable to shake the pain. Instead of isolation we find comfort in normal day activity, friends and family. And when I least expect it Ally looks up smiling at the clouds and says, "Hello Mason". Knowing Mason is there looking down at us, his spirit always with us. As I cling on to his Justice League heroes, or turn the pages of his journal, even an airplane overhead flashes back to the Memphis airport. So many memories in my mind, wishing I could travel back in time and relive every minute. As Ally has me draw a picture of our family, Mason high above the clouds, she cheers..." See mom Mason is in our family you don't have to cry anymore." The world is upside down. Even our frown somehow turns into a smile.
Now more than ever I want to stand up and scream, as anger boils through my veins...but I think instead of what I can do. There are so many ideas on what to do; find a cure, save the tigers, help someone, smile and make someones day. Because what Mason taught us is to find that strength when the world is upside down, yep he is right beside me. So even though numbness rains on us, there is also that Tiger above pulling us through. And Maverick and Ally right here; reminding us to move forward. Raindrops fall today as cloudy skies are in the forecast but we know a rainbow will grace the sky again.

Live it Give it.. Life

Those beautiful eyes. For those unaware, Mason's cornea donation has become a reality. Mason's gift stretching across the country, one recipient in New York and one in California.
It was heartwarming that 2 recipients spanning across the country will hopefully be able to see again. Last year alone, more than 46,000 people were in need of a transplant due to corneal disease or blindness. We pray for successful transplants in both recipients. Those beautiful eyes.
Are you a donor? If you would like to register to become a donor in honor of Mason Arik Kempf please visit http://www.mwtn.org/ Mason also donated tumor tissue for DIPG research in hopes for an ultimate goal...a CURE!!

Keeping Mason's Memory alive with a ROAR..

Trying to plant my two feet on the ground today.. and stand. We love you Mason.
Searching for the right song, or the right words to say. We miss you Mason. We remember your heart of gold and hold it close. Thank you everyone for being here and hearing our cry and for keeping Mason's memory alive with a ROAR!! Standing tall for You, Mason!
You are powerful; we can hear your "Roar" from Heaven's door.

Twinkle Twinkle...

Here we are Monday. All weekend images flashed in my mind, like a movie playing in fast forward and stuck on replay. Mason, you are everywhere. I can still hear your last mumbled word, "Chick" for chicken nuggets that you could not even swallow without choking. Hanging from the living room wall, I am mesmerized from the Sumatran Tiger. It's picture is powerful as it reminds us of Mason's wisdom, bravery and strength he bestowed each day. And your last watercolor painting, how I wish I could watch as you painted each colorful tree watching... as the colors ran together. Wondering what you were thinking as you painted there reflections. Wishing more than ever I would have asked you this or done that. Just one more time at the McDonald's drive thru to see your smile as you sip a chocolate shake, would you like a new flavor? We move in every direction these days; too afraid to slow down. But trying to be brave for those moments when time stands still. Waiting and listening for a sign to tug me in the right direction. Holding strong for Maverick and Ally. Maverick described the weekend just right, "I felt I was," Off leash" I immediately knew what he meant. It is that sense of being out of control and having your emotions tugged so hard and it does not matter what you do!! It is wanting something so bad, but you can't turn back the pages. Even Twinkle Twinkle Star has a new tune, "Twinkle Twinkle, "Mason" Star how we wonder how you are, up above the star so high, you are a diamond in the sky."Twinkle Twinkle "Mason" Star how we miss you, oh so far." As we closed our eyes, Ally proudly requests, "I want the Easter bunny to bring a "REAL" red airplane- to fly up to Heaven and see Mason. When I try to explain, she kept saying, "A real one mom and a really super fast one like rocket." What a wish... Airplanes is playing in my head, Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars. I know why some stars twinkle and others do not.

Searching for strength..

Looking forward to meeting with friends on fundraiser ideas to keep Mason's memory alive. We are focusing on the tiger exhibit at the KC Zoo. Thanks again for the support all around, we extend our gratitude as your support helps so much. From the meals, to Rick who finished our bathroom to Ally's preschool class, and many, many more.. thank you. Words can not express.
The pain inside my heart is stronger than ever. Not a minute goes by that Mason's not on my mind. I vision him everywhere, and only wish I could hear his voice or tell him face to face how much the world needs him. And so I search for strength knowing he is watching above, even now reaching down to hug me.

Spring

Good Morning everyone. Just a short note, as we have a busy week. Maverick has started a garden. I'd like to call it a therapy garden. He wants to paint a sign "Mason and Maverick's garden". Complete with carrots, peas, onions, tomatoes and of course strawberries. I just want to say thank you again to everyone. As Ally is spreading her "I love you's" to the cats and all listening. We love you. Be blessed and thankful for all that you have. Here's looking forward to Maverick's garden. The quote below holds so true for my kids.

In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. ~Margaret Atwood


"You can bury a lot of troubles digging in the dirt."
"Gardening is a way of showing that you believe in tomorrow."
"Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"-- Robin Williams
"Nothing is more the child of art than a garden."-- Sir Walter Scott

"Hello" Mason Star

Good Morning. Yesterday was a beautiful day and we have been spring cleaning. Keeping busy. No matter what we do, Mason is right there. Always picturing him where ever we are, and missing him more than ever!! Last night as we arrived home, the minute the van door opened, Ally burst out of her seat to look for Mason's star. " Hello Mason" Later inside the house Ally found an open window tugged at me with tears in her eyes, "Mason I miss you so much, please come back" I could barely reply, "Ally he hears us and we can talk to him any time, he is smiling and having a good time" We could sit around and cry all day, as we have done so for a year knowing the out come. Our hearts still ache so much, and there is a constant lump in my throat. But, I want to focus on what Mason would do, and pull from his incredible strength. I will keep blogging and focus on Mason's wishes. There will be events, possible fundraisers, and fun times all in Mason's memory. We march forward for you Mason, helping us up whenever we fall. "I always told him he would accomplish so much, why stop now."

Love from the Sky

Today has been amazing..we received a beautiful portrait of Mason that brought tears to our eyes. In the portrait his shirt simply states, University of Heaven with his brown eyes smiling back at us. What a wonderful memory.

Fox 4 News stopped by for an interview regarding Mason's love for Tigers and his desire to improve the tiger cage at the KC Zoo.

The mail brought more tears, a star was named in his honor on April 4 with the International Star Registry. Also, a package arrived from Afghanistan, it was hard to open addressed to Mason. What an AMAZING honor to find out an American flag was flown on March 12 in Mason and our family's honor from the U.S Air Force. Included were 2 military coins, a shirt, Ally hugged all 3 teddy bears and Maverick enjoyed the necklace, magazine and picture of Military dog, Lucky. I am at a loss of words tonight. A friend sent a pillow, that says it best, "Live, Love, Laugh". Thank you everyone for all the love and support. But most importantly for keeping Mason's memory alive. When the going gets tough just look up to the sky and smile knowing Mason is there watching us all.

A hug from Heaven

Tonight my heart is at peace, I actually can not sleep but instead of weeping there is amazing love inside my heart. Thank you family and friends for celebrating Mason's life with us. I know there are many people wondering how we kept it together. I actually wondered the same thing. I thought, it was Ally distracting me during the service, she kept me from hearing the parts I would break down. But as I lie awake, I feel peace, I truly believe Mason was there giving me strength, whispering in my ear, "Celebrate". Twice the Sunday before I sobbed when I heard "Our God". During the celebration the words cried out , "Our God is Healer" Those same words I kept telling Mason. Remembering that same Sunday Mason miraculously nodded to stop as the radio station played "Our God". That was the first he ever heard that song. Yesterday at the Celebration, I could sing, I could feel the words deep in my heart. Mason gave me strength, he was there. And I felt so proud. Even in heaven he was reaching down hugging me in my time of need. And during the slide show all I could see was his smile, all those wonderful memories we shared. I could feel the LOVE from everyone there, and even those unable to be there, you somehow were there with us. Mason you brought us all together, I could SEE the lives you touched. From the gentleman I never met but just had to be there, to the many friends and family, thank you again for sharing in Mason's celebration. Sure our hearts will never be the same, there are times dark clouds will invade, times of unbearable heart ache; as I see his scooter in the corner, or the awkwardness of our empty home. Before we closed our eyes last night we each shared something we missed about Mason. Maverick immediately answered, "he taught me to be good and kept things organized, remember he couldn't even talk mom but he would point if something was out of place." Ally could not wait to share as she kept poking me and finally said, " I love you Mason, I miss you Mason, you funny, laugh at me..I miss Mason's fart." An echo of laughter followed as we could only smile. Thank you from the hug from heaven Mason. You forever live in our dreams and in our hearts. Have another red, red strawberry for me. Please follow the link below to leave a message for Mason. http://www.legacy.com/guestbook/DignityMemorial/guestbook.aspx?n=mason-kempf&pid=149813417&page=2
This "Mason" balloon kept smiling at me during the Celebration.

Sunday Newspaper listed WRONG ADDRESS

Please use the address above (on the blog) for tomorrow's service at Heartland Church in OLATHE.
The church is behind Cracker Barrel. 12175 Strang Line Rd. in Olathe, Kansas at 4 p.m
Casual attire and the color green.
Corrections should be made in Monday's Star Newspaper